A few of the wonderful women in my life are having trouble letting go. It's so easy isn't it when you're giving the advice, "he's not good enough for you, tell him where to stick it. I would" But yet faced with the same situation I, many times have not found the strength to do the deed. Gaea asked me a week or so ago why this certain someone had such a hold on her because normally she's a very strong woman. And I told her, and i really believe this, that there will be people who you meet in your life that cause you to break your own mold. I said the same to Jukebox too.
Why is that though? Why are there people that can do that to us? I think it boils down to the deep desire to be loved and vulnerability. You invariably choose at points in your life to let certain people in and in doing so allow them to touch the most private parts of you. To then realise at some point when things go wrong that perhaps you'd let too much in. You feel vulnerable and can't fathom that your judgment was quite so impaired, and can't believe that someone so special could let you down. So you decide, no, it must just be a one off mistake, try it again to realise the same thing again. Rinse. Repeat.
And you repeat and you repeat ad nauseam. It requires strength to keep that candle burning and you use every last ounce that you possess. Let it go on long enough and it breaks you.
I wonder though if this is really weakness? Surely the dusting yourself off and starting again with the same person is not weakness. It's not weakness to forgive. Nor is it weakness to want to believe that next time it'll be OK.
It's the only thing that makes us not call off the search....
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God never gives us what we can't handle. Forgiving is not weakness, it is actually strength. It is hard to forgive someone else. It is harder to forgive yourself.
J
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