There is a story that people tell me. Apparently when I was born, Abah took me out into the garden, held me out to the sky and said that everything could be taken away from him but this.
It's a notion that appeals to the melodrama in me. Whether it's true or not, it doesn't really matter I suppose because it's a sentiment that Abah has echoed throughout my life.
We fight. We're similar in that we have strong opinions, stubborn and proud. But he's always hated seeing me cry and I remember many moments in my childhood when he would gather me in his arms after yelling at me and remind me that he only got upset because he loved me. And in those arms, I knew I was safe and I knew that his love was there to stay.
I remember when he went away to study and how I used to climb into the wardrobe where all his clothes were kept when I missed him. Just to pretend that he was around. The songs I made up for him that Mama would record and send over for him to listen to, because phone calls were just too expensive.
And how now, well into my 20's, he's still the first person I call when I'm scared and I need saving.
I came home a few days ago and found Abah asleep on the couch as he is most evenings. I realised that when i leave, I will miss seeing him asleep on the couch. I realised that soon Abah really cannot be the first man in my life.
I wonder how much longer I'm allowed to be Daddy's girl. And how I can even come close to letting him know just how much he means to me.
Photo courtesy of 62Lofu on Flickr.
2 comments:
We never really outgrow being daddy's little girls. I have two absolutely wonderful boys in my life now, but nothing ever takes the place of my Abah. Not that safe feeling I have when he's around. Not that soothing voice he calls me with. Not that fatherly sensibility he drives into me. Nothing. And you will find, that with that distance, God may bring you even closer.
I don't think you ever stop being Daddy's girl. I still get emotional talking to my dad and everytime he tells me he loves me over the phone that little teardrop always manages to fall because I know he's not exactly the type of man to be sharing his emotions and he's saying that in front of his friends. Saying goodbye everytime I leave never seems to get easier because no matter what I will still be his 'Girl' and he will still be my bak.
Hugs!!
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