yet another little piece

as i start to let go of this lifetime

piece by piece

i am reminded everyday

of the things i will leave behind

and i know i will yearn

for the beauty in these Brunei skies


Photo Courtesy of Jasmine Wong.

Every new beginning

Yes, yet again that sentence rings true. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. And my goodness, what an end indeed.

I was hesitant to write about this end, I didn't know how. I still don't know how but with the ebbing of the intense emotions, I felt somehow that I should give it a whirl. So here it is, simple, inadequate but from the heart.

For me joining the programme was the realisation of a dream. From the moment the parentals took their first foster children in when I was 8, I knew it was something I had to do. Funny, the realisations I had when I was 8, for it was then that I decided the career path I would take too. Tangent, I apologise.

In many ways I saw the countless hours spent in practice as the penance I had to pay for what I expected to be an astounding experience. It was in these hours however that I discovered the meaning of patriotism. Being a child of two nations, I guess I always felt in some way misplaced all my life. The night before our pre departure performance was when it hit me. The first time in my life I felt truly Bruneian. And all because of the words to a song...

"Wahai anak Brunei, warisan bersejarah. Keturunan mu panglima, perwira, perkasa. Satu zaman dahulu di kota dan di desa. Kau membina Negara Brunei Darussalam"

To paraphrase, it reminds the children of Brunei of the vast history they are descended from. That the blood that runs through their veins is that of warriors and nobleman. And i finally got it. And I wept at the enormity of the realisation.

The programme was eye opening, challenging, frustrating and more than I could ever ask for.

Almost 2 weeks after the end of it all, I have gained a little perspective. In my mind's eye I see still photographs of various moments and people, sound bites of silliness and laughter and an overriding feeling of warmth and connection.

The feeling of being lost has abated somewhat, the problems associated with the real world have taken precedence. At times driving home from work I wonder if the experience was in fact nothing more than a fantastical dream. Seeing the photographs and videos is bittersweet but in the end, I feel privileged.

The reason for all the tears at the end, other than the fact that I knew just how much I would miss everyone, was because I wondered if I would see these people again. Intentions are all very well and good, but having left too many people in my short life I know many intentions amount to nothing more than that. Now, I realise it doesn't matter.

"If i never see you again
Think of me now and then
Though it hurts so deeply
They say all good things come to an end
You changed my life completely
I'm touched by your love
If I never see you again"

At the end, I'm standing at the beginning. New friendships, new mindsets, new opportunities. And I am blessed.

making a difference

Not very much gets me out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning. Normally dawn for me is something that's seen after a LONG night out. But anyone that knows me knows that I'm big on trying to make a difference. I believe that the fact that the Lib- Dems may not win is NO excuse not to vote for them, because if everyone thought that way then nothing would change. EVER.

Mentor once said to me, "You have what it takes to make THE difference, do not hesitate to shed change in someone else's life" A wonderful wonderful thing to tell a teenage girl.

Apparently 18 people in this titchy country of ours is HIV positive. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I also think that the risk of this disease being spread here is rampant due to sex being such a taboo and sex- ed being non- existent.

Like it or not, I think kids are going to experiment, so you might as well equip them with the common sense to make good decisions. I thought the NHS in England was being a supportive responsible governmental body when deciding that contraception should be free. I know the argument that by giving out free condoms you would be seen as condoning sex before marriage. However to me to give them out is the lesser of two evils. I have a little sister, I know what I was up to at her age, I know she will probably be up to more than me because she is that little bit more devil- may- care. No, I don't think she is ready and i tell her that, but more than anything I want her to be safe. Being nakal is fine, just don't be jahat. Always try to stray on the safe side of wrong.

Come on people, more things like this. Let's stop the apathy and get the good karma rolling!


NB:- For the non- malay speakers out there. Nakal i guess would translate to naughty and jahat would be bad.