Truly...

... if God made you, He's in Love with me as Five for Fighting says.

A wonderful woman of refreshing faith I know, reminds me constantly that The Will of God will never send you where the Grace of God cannot keep you.

And you truly are part of that Grace extended to me, for just in the nick of time

He brought you to me.

Image courtesy of Shelby Nycole on Flickr.

on rain

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass

It's about learning to dance in the rain...

Image Courtesy of xmonstermaggie on Flickr

for all the little things

that He does *smile*

because...

 unable to share this Ramadhan with me

He calls me each Sahur

and makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be

Image courtesy of  blueberrymom on Flickr.

a better man

so I was reading today about someone's unrequited love. you know the one. most of us have one of them, the one you feel got away either because things just didn't work out the way you planned or just because you never got around to saying anything.

i used to have one of them. i said goodbye to him a while ago. because i realised there was a difference between what i wanted to see and what was actually there.

but this post really isn't about him. it's about a far better man.

throughout the course of the past few days or so i've had moments when it just randomly enters my mind that I love this better man. and it's a strange, humbling, heart warming moment everytime it happens.

the man in my past chose to betray my trust. he then came back, seeking my forgiveness. i took him back. his reasons for his betrayal were manifold, i forgave him because i loved him still and i made the excuses i had to in order to justify my reaction. now looking back, i see that there is a reason an excuse is an excuse.

he blamed it on the distance. said he was feeling down and lonesome and needed the company. i'm not even sure he apologised. i think he just made excuses.

in the months after, he got angry that I wasn't over it, upset that I found it hard to trust him, didn't do much to ease my soul into trusting him again and the biggest kicker of them all, he eventually left because he could not cope with the guilt he felt having betrayed me in the first place.

*LOL* What a load of baloney! and i fell for it too. hook, line and sinker.

this better man though, he's different in the most wonderful of ways. he thought long and hard before we even got together if he could deal with me being a plane ride away. when he finally realised that me a plane ride away was better than no me at all, he made it very clear that he would find it ridiculously difficult. it was a very practical thing to say in a moment supposed to be rose tinted, but now i realise it is the essence of what makes him better.

he struggles with this distance, yet through it all i see that he's determined to persevere. he doesn't blame it for any of the problems that crop up, but rather he tries to find ways to make it work in spite of the distance. because he is a better man.

he never said it was do- able, he simply said he would try. he never said he was ok with it, never pretended it was a breeze, he simply acknowledged it was a problem and moved on. because he is a better man.

Resoundingly, I can say that there is no other. there is no "one who got away". there are no "what if's". not for me. not anymore.

it wasn't a moment in a field full of daisies, there was no bicycle built for two. it was not the summer solstice. But it was perfect in it's own awkward, quintessentially He way.

I have been blessed with a better man. and i could not ask for more.

Image courtesy of ccurtiz on Flickr.

at last...

... i begin to see, just how it happens that one love could last a lifetime.

because with you, when it gets all difficult and grumpifying,

the overriding thought isn't resentment

it isn't helplessness

it isn't anger

it's this...

it's that this too shall pass

it's a certainty that things will be ok

a conviction that you will stay

Truly...

grow old with me...

with you i honestly see

that the best is yet to be

image courtesy of cosairstw on Flickr.

the ties that bind

I have often wondered what the big deal was with engagement rings. Sure I get that being engaged is a big thing. But is the ring a part of that?

Perhaps now I get it.

It's a tie that binds. It's a solid reminder of the promises that you have made. A physical manifestation of the future that awaits.

It says.. I'm serious about this, I'm serious about wanting you in my life.

It whispers... Grow Old with Me. The Best is Yet to Be...

Image courtesy of MHA Photography/ Michele on Flickr.

and I can hardly wait

Cause it's you and me and all other people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all other people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

You and Me
Lifehouse

for this is love

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."- From When Harry Met Sally

Image Courtesy of |ash| on Flickr.

Sans

She kids herself by saying that the reason for this melancholy is the post holiday blues. But really she knows better.

The fact is this, He makes her smile. And being without him is like having an ice cream sundae without the cherry. You still enjoy the ice cream. You don’t need the cherry. It just tops it off nicely.

She has done this before, but somehow this time is just that little bit different and this difference is bemusing her no end.

Because the difference is that she knows they have a million tomorrows, but they don’t have today. It is the sweetest, most charming, realization that is making this, that much harder. The perfect oxymoron.

She was a little concerned a few weeks ago about how it would be spending day in day out with him. Their relationship was based on being apart. Prior to getting together they had in fact spent the equivalent of about half a day alone in each other’s company. She worried about the dynamics of it all. She wondered if being able to bounce off each other in company and being able to have the funniest, most heartfelt online chats would transcend.

She has since learnt since then that being with him was, from the very beginning, strangely natural and so very easy. She is obstinate, paranoid, and occasionally unreasonable. She is impatient, hot tempered and occasionally caustic. She is certainly far from perfect. It sparks, not because she thinks He’s perfect but rather because she likes that He isn’t. She likes his idiosyncrasies and that in these idiosyncrasies He is perfect, if only for her.

And this time it’s harder because of the promise He holds. Because this time the promise is tangible, but still just barely out of her reach. Because despite being more in control of the situation she can’t make tomorrow come any quicker. As Harry said "when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".

So no, it’s not the post holiday blues. It’s just ice cream sans cherries.

Image courtesy of photomato on Flickr.

because because because because because

because of the wonderful things He does


*smile*


because He never says "I Love You Too"


because with him the response is never an afterthought


He says something else


and that...


is my delicious little secret


*big smiles*


Image courtesy of AquaAmber on Flickr.

he...

... has made an appearance in this blog before. however the name attributed to him then is no longer applicable.

She feels the differance in this, in that she does not feel the need to trumpet it from the rooftops. She wants to, because it makes her happy, however there is no need. There is such a marvel and a wonder to that statement that she is still very much getting used to. She is just comfortable in knowing she is with him and he with her. And that's enough.

So without promises, without saying too much, without declarations of endearment, without fanfare. He is now, simply that... He.

Photo courtesy of J- C- P on FLickr.

harbour

"Sunday mornin’ rain is fallin’
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mould that I am in"

Sunday Morning by Maroon 5.

There’s something about the image of two people asleep under the covers that makes this song my favourite from Maroon 5.

The bed is a strange sort of place. It moulds to suit the purpose for which you need it. No, not in that way and No I’m not the perennial bed- hopper *grin* In fact this post is actually nothing to do with anything carnal.

We’ve all I’m sure shared a sleeping space with various people, absolute strangers included, out of necessity. I know I have. The list ranges from random people I meet on diving trips to drunken acquaintances who’ve misplaced their keys. In such circumstances it really is something born out of necessity, to rest weary bones, recharge and nothing more.

But then you get the moments with the people that matter.

To share sleeping space is one thing, to share your bed is another.

For to share your bed is to share your most vulnerable moments, the vessel that allows you to dream, your harbour.

I remember moments spent growing up with Simian in her old double bed in Tampines when we would gossip till we fell asleep, Smeagol jumping into my bed with me when I was so floored by life I couldn’t get out of it. Breakfast in bed with Lost One talking about everything that mattered, yet nothing of importance. The many many nights when my bed seemed too big and the room too unfriendly for my broken heart when I would crawl up to Crease’s room, favourite pillow in tow, and all she would do was flip open the duvet, make room and let me sleep with her.

It is these moments when you realise how intimate sharing a bed with someone is. When you twist to fit the mould the other person is in, or they twist to fit in yours.

It’s saying, when your shelter fails you, let me engulf you in mine.

It’s saying, let’s run away. I’ll make sure you’re ok.

Photo courtesy of hdahlby on Flickr.

Free Falling

Photo Courtesy of AraiGordai on FLickr.

It has been a while since these words meant anything.

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
how my heart gets torn
when the hurt gets thrown
feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
cuts like a knife
if you love me got to know for sure
cos it takes something more this time
than sweet sweet lies
before i open up my arms and fall
losing all control
every dream inside my soul

and when you kiss me
on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ain't this life so sweet

From "This Year's Love" by David Gray


Think I'm free falling. For the first time in a long long time. And it makes me smile.

She is...

twitterpated

Malam... Terdengar sepantun lagu...

I have been struggling for a post that describes the current flux my life is in... then I listened to this song and some things fell into place.

My dear Adopted Bruneian this one is for you.

For reminding me, with this song, that at the end of the day the deepest parts of my soul whisper in Malay.

For your warmth, your humour and most of all your Friendship that knows no bounds.

And you will make Milo ping for me on my 75th birthday right?

Malam by Shades

Malam...
Terdengar sepantun lagu
Irama di malam syahdu
Gaya nada rindu

Oh! Malam...
Hati resah raya sunyi
Jiwaku resah dan sepi
Waktu Malam Hari

Jangan sedih hati
Oh, Janganlah rasa pilu
Senyum... Senyum bunga
Kuntum, Mekar segar dan mengharum

Oh ! Malam...
Sungguh kau berseri seri
Wajahmu di malam hari
Hilang rindu hati

Jangan sedih hati
Oh, Janganlah rasa pilu
Senyum... Senyum bunga Kuntum
Mekar segar dan mengharum

Oh! Malam....

the rainbow

Buddy,

I know it's been unbelievably hard. Too many nights wondering if this was in fact the right thing to do, wondering how long the rope will hold and if i even want to hang on...

But then I'm reminded on nights like this, why I looked at you that first night and saw in your eyes possibility.

Did I fall in love with you that night? No I did not. The Disney princess in me expected more fireworks. But it was everything I wanted and nothing I expected. I know that I have fallen in love with you since. I have almost fallen out of love with you on a number of occasions too *grins* but that means I have had the pleasure of getting to know you all over again. and I am blessed.

and the possibilities are still endless.

photo courtesy of RozzieM on Flickr.

i believe in angels

some believe we are made in God's image. I don't know what I think of that, I do however know that God leaves us little angels such as these. My cold heart melted.

for Buddy because it's true

Been trying to get through all ten seasons of "Friends" in the right order. Have just watched the one where Rachel has a baby and I thought of Buddy. It's odd that everytime I think of a future, I think of him. Even when there were other people in the picture, it was always him.

"Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and
I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life"


It Might Be You-
Stephen Bishop

For Buddy because it's true. And I can't wait :)

the things that get us through

I stumbled across this prayer/ poem that I found last year. It was written by a survivor of hurricane Katrina. Take from it what you will. I know I did.

So God grant me the faith to better understand,
That my heartaches are a part of your great plan.
Help me be thankful of angels sent, to aid me
In my time of need, and not resent them.
Help me not blame others for my pain, but rather,
Give me the courage to accept what I can't change.

DO not allow evil to devour me from within,
Leaving my doubting, weary soul darkened to sin.
For Satan preys on the weakened soul, as it
wallows in self pity and grows cold.

So God grant me the strength I need to carry on,
and the faith I need to mend.

Photo courtesy of .martin on Flickr.

making a difference

Not very much gets me out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning. Normally dawn for me is something that's seen after a LONG night out. But anyone that knows me knows that I'm big on trying to make a difference. I believe that the fact that the Lib- Dems may not win is NO excuse not to vote for them, because if everyone thought that way then nothing would change. EVER.

Mentor once said to me, "You have what it takes to make THE difference, do not hesitate to shed change in someone else's life" A wonderful wonderful thing to tell a teenage girl.

Apparently 18 people in this titchy country of ours is HIV positive. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I also think that the risk of this disease being spread here is rampant due to sex being such a taboo and sex- ed being non- existent.

Like it or not, I think kids are going to experiment, so you might as well equip them with the common sense to make good decisions. I thought the NHS in England was being a supportive responsible governmental body when deciding that contraception should be free. I know the argument that by giving out free condoms you would be seen as condoning sex before marriage. However to me to give them out is the lesser of two evils. I have a little sister, I know what I was up to at her age, I know she will probably be up to more than me because she is that little bit more devil- may- care. No, I don't think she is ready and i tell her that, but more than anything I want her to be safe. Being nakal is fine, just don't be jahat. Always try to stray on the safe side of wrong.

Come on people, more things like this. Let's stop the apathy and get the good karma rolling!


NB:- For the non- malay speakers out there. Nakal i guess would translate to naughty and jahat would be bad.