asylum

On days like this I would like to climb into a box and stay there.

I am exhausted.

I should not have to defend or feel bad for crying. I am not made of steel. I have a heart and occasionally it hurts. and when it does it should be allowed to grieve. perhaps what I cry about doesn't make sense to you. but it doesn't have to. you're not walking the road i'm walking, you're not feeling the things i'm feeling, you're not me.

I am tired.

of being the apparently horrid ungrateful child. you have expectations of me that i struggle to meet. i feel inadequate when i can't meet them. when i say i don't know and leave the decision to you, it's not code for anything else. I genuinely don't know. i should not then be at the receiving end of your wrath for not knowing. it's not being recalcitant. it's not because i'm being difficult. it's because i feel out of my depth and would like you help. i know however that I get frustrated and that it shows and for that i am so very truly sorry.

but i am worn out.

i am pooped.

i am beat.

bushed.

done in.

and i would like to climb into a box and stay there.

Image courtesy of Centre for International Education on Flickr.

at last...

... i begin to see, just how it happens that one love could last a lifetime.

because with you, when it gets all difficult and grumpifying,

the overriding thought isn't resentment

it isn't helplessness

it isn't anger

it's this...

it's that this too shall pass

it's a certainty that things will be ok

a conviction that you will stay

Truly...

grow old with me...

with you i honestly see

that the best is yet to be

image courtesy of cosairstw on Flickr.

a million little pieces

she has had her fair share of heart struggles this girl. they have almost always had to do with boys.

but this heart struggle is different. it has nothing to do with boys, but it goes to the very centre of her being.

and she is scared this girl. scared in a way she only remembers being once before. because this is the very essence of her.

the research terrifies her more and more. she wonders if she has said goodbye to something without even knowing. without even appreciating it. she wonders if she was to blame in some way.

and she feels helpless. completely and utterly useless. she has no plan. she doesn't understand. all she can do it sit here and be scared.

so no, there are no pretty pictures to this post. because with what she saw today her heart broke.

and now all she sees are the million little pieces.

Random fact number 317

She likes vanilla in her tea

She also hopes that she acts like summer and walks like rain

but that's another fact

and another post :)

Image courtesy of Simon Goldenberg on Flickr.

2 days a month

...

she gets despondent and paranoid

she over thinks things

she frets and cries

...

this is her lot, being a woman, and it's ok

but she does wonder

as it's the same recurring issues these two days a month

are they issues that she buries the remaining 28 days

or phantom issues that she imagines into place

to keep the grey thoughts company

for those 2 days a month