simmering

I have discovered:-


i. that I have little patience for people to whom life is perpetually difficult.


ii. that very little patience for people who ooze negativity from their pores.


iii. that I get very annoyed with people who panic and fret unnecessarily



Lord, give me strength to get through this week.

making a difference

Not very much gets me out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning. Normally dawn for me is something that's seen after a LONG night out. But anyone that knows me knows that I'm big on trying to make a difference. I believe that the fact that the Lib- Dems may not win is NO excuse not to vote for them, because if everyone thought that way then nothing would change. EVER.

Mentor once said to me, "You have what it takes to make THE difference, do not hesitate to shed change in someone else's life" A wonderful wonderful thing to tell a teenage girl.

Apparently 18 people in this titchy country of ours is HIV positive. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I also think that the risk of this disease being spread here is rampant due to sex being such a taboo and sex- ed being non- existent.

Like it or not, I think kids are going to experiment, so you might as well equip them with the common sense to make good decisions. I thought the NHS in England was being a supportive responsible governmental body when deciding that contraception should be free. I know the argument that by giving out free condoms you would be seen as condoning sex before marriage. However to me to give them out is the lesser of two evils. I have a little sister, I know what I was up to at her age, I know she will probably be up to more than me because she is that little bit more devil- may- care. No, I don't think she is ready and i tell her that, but more than anything I want her to be safe. Being nakal is fine, just don't be jahat. Always try to stray on the safe side of wrong.

Come on people, more things like this. Let's stop the apathy and get the good karma rolling!


NB:- For the non- malay speakers out there. Nakal i guess would translate to naughty and jahat would be bad.

Buddy is Ross

... because he comes back from Singapore bringing me a Mushroom Swiss Burger from Burger King and Chicken McNuggets, both of which I crave and can't get here. And serves them to me at an impromptu tea light lit dinner. And now time for the collective sigh :)

on forgiveness

for·give
Pronunciation: f&r-'giv, for-
1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for b : to grant relief from payment of
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON

Pictures of debauchery from years gone by we posted recently and I looked back with pleasure. I really did LIVE in uni and I hope I continue to do so the rest of my days.

Pictures of him and I were posted. Pictures I'd never seen. Snapshots of what we looked like to the outside world. We were what people wanted to be and it showed from those shots. As i looked through these new perspectives on old memories I did wonder if I ever want him back in my life.

Perhaps for the rest of my life, when I look at such stills, certain bars of "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt will play. Certain genre's of music with a particular cadence will always make me wonder. Snow Patrol, Aqualung, Goldfrapp, Coldplay, David Gray will always be coloured by regret, by curiosity, by bittersweet, by him.

Were he to reappear in my life now I would be at a loss for what to say or do.

Instinct tells me I would tell him to go away. I have forgiven and I have moved on, however I believe that unless certain truths are realised and admitted, on principle, I could not carry on any sort of relationship. It was a betrayal of the core and unless I'm certain that it was understood how that hurt was caused, I am unwilling to put myself in a situation where it could happen again.

Having said all this though, I know I want him at my wedding if I ever do get married.

The question is, can I really say I've forgiven? Can you regret moments in your life and yet still say that you're dealt with those demons? Does regret in the absence of resentment equate to forgiveness? Is an unwillingness to accept him in my life indicative of a lack of forgiveness? Or is it just prudence not to want him there anymore considering everything?

counting my blessings

I am blessed. To be born to Bruneian Sunsets.

Photo from anakbrunei.blogspot.com