Sometimes love just ain't enough

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
Patty Smyth

Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't
want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home, when it's late at
night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

Time and time again this is brought home.

But really, shouldn't it? Shouldn't it be enough?

She aches.

She does not survive limbo well this woman. In fact the last time she had to she almost self destructed. She only survived it that time because she was propped up by many shining stars.

She realised things were not great. She voluntarily put herself in limbo because she saw no other way. She was proud of herself this time. She had taken that step back, and here she was in limbo again, but with the ability to function, to laugh, to smile. She thought perhaps this part of growing up wasn't so bad, she's learning to deal with grace. She was keeping her head while her heart was in flux. She was alright.

Then today arrives and she realises that all this time she has been ok because she has been dealing with the logical part of limbo. The part that makes sense. The practicality of it all. And that now her heart needs to catch up. Herein lies the difficulty.

She wishes it were different, that she believed he would be able to get past this. She still hopes, she after all sees the glass half full. She sees him, flaws and all. She loves parts of him. She is not so sure about the other bits as she worries that they may not survive these bits together. She is in some ways scared of him. She is sad that they may decide to part. She wants to clap, but it takes two hands. And his hand is too bitter and too insecure to meet hers.

She aches.

Image courtesy of CrazyFast on Flickr.

Is it just me...

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Is it just me or does the Predator look like a souped up Rastafarian?
*quizzical look*

No offence intended

Images courtesy of Fotosearch and Wikipedia.

Every new beginning

Yes, yet again that sentence rings true. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. And my goodness, what an end indeed.

I was hesitant to write about this end, I didn't know how. I still don't know how but with the ebbing of the intense emotions, I felt somehow that I should give it a whirl. So here it is, simple, inadequate but from the heart.

For me joining the programme was the realisation of a dream. From the moment the parentals took their first foster children in when I was 8, I knew it was something I had to do. Funny, the realisations I had when I was 8, for it was then that I decided the career path I would take too. Tangent, I apologise.

In many ways I saw the countless hours spent in practice as the penance I had to pay for what I expected to be an astounding experience. It was in these hours however that I discovered the meaning of patriotism. Being a child of two nations, I guess I always felt in some way misplaced all my life. The night before our pre departure performance was when it hit me. The first time in my life I felt truly Bruneian. And all because of the words to a song...

"Wahai anak Brunei, warisan bersejarah. Keturunan mu panglima, perwira, perkasa. Satu zaman dahulu di kota dan di desa. Kau membina Negara Brunei Darussalam"

To paraphrase, it reminds the children of Brunei of the vast history they are descended from. That the blood that runs through their veins is that of warriors and nobleman. And i finally got it. And I wept at the enormity of the realisation.

The programme was eye opening, challenging, frustrating and more than I could ever ask for.

Almost 2 weeks after the end of it all, I have gained a little perspective. In my mind's eye I see still photographs of various moments and people, sound bites of silliness and laughter and an overriding feeling of warmth and connection.

The feeling of being lost has abated somewhat, the problems associated with the real world have taken precedence. At times driving home from work I wonder if the experience was in fact nothing more than a fantastical dream. Seeing the photographs and videos is bittersweet but in the end, I feel privileged.

The reason for all the tears at the end, other than the fact that I knew just how much I would miss everyone, was because I wondered if I would see these people again. Intentions are all very well and good, but having left too many people in my short life I know many intentions amount to nothing more than that. Now, I realise it doesn't matter.

"If i never see you again
Think of me now and then
Though it hurts so deeply
They say all good things come to an end
You changed my life completely
I'm touched by your love
If I never see you again"

At the end, I'm standing at the beginning. New friendships, new mindsets, new opportunities. And I am blessed.

the question

Buddy,

At the end of the day it's simple...

The question is, can you love me when the chips are down?