Really, is it printed on my forehead in _big_bold_letters.."Please give me mixed signals"? Honest to god, it seems most men that matter to me decide to do this. Really with this one it's one step forward, two steps back. Why oh why is ho so darned cute and how has he managed to weasel his way into my sub- conscious so much! Grrr! I give up *throws hands in air* Really, I do.
Anyone got the number for that colony of lesbian nuns?
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Keychains?!
So getting out of my car today I dropped my keys. Then it struck me. Boys I have loved give me keychains. I wonder what that says about me *screws face up in deep thought*
Monday, April 23, 2007
written in the stars
In the car, bopping along to Leann Rhimes and this line popped out
"I am here to tell you, we can never meet again. Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then, a lifetime of not knowing where of how or why or when"
Strikes a chord with me. That that's all it takes to severe ties that bind. That that's all it takes for someone who meant the world to you to become but the whisper of a scent and a half remembered postcard in your mind.
Lost one comes to mind.
He was beautiful, decent, intelligent, passionate and emotionally stupid. He loved me, but not enough. Too much, but he wasn't ready.
That here was THE promise, but it came unbidden, uncalled for, unasked for and he was unprepared.
And now I understand.
"I am here to tell you, we can never meet again. Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then, a lifetime of not knowing where of how or why or when"
Strikes a chord with me. That that's all it takes to severe ties that bind. That that's all it takes for someone who meant the world to you to become but the whisper of a scent and a half remembered postcard in your mind.
Lost one comes to mind.
He was beautiful, decent, intelligent, passionate and emotionally stupid. He loved me, but not enough. Too much, but he wasn't ready.
That here was THE promise, but it came unbidden, uncalled for, unasked for and he was unprepared.
And now I understand.
the shelf
So being an unmarried Asian woman in her mid twenties, you find yourself constantly asked when the "big day" is. The fact is that in this part of the world, once you hit your thirties you're pretty much "over the hill" and it is assumed you will sit on that shelf indefinitely. The assumption is also that you were "too picky" and should have settled.
But what if I don't want to settle. I don't need a man for survival and apparently it's not entirely ethically sound to procreate anyway in this overpopulated world of ours. Surely this is one of the biggest most life changing decisions I will ever make in my life and I should be a little "picky". The rest of you can be happy in a loveless unhappy marriage or fall prey to the divorce statistic. Me, I'll pass on it it that is really the choice I have to make. Perhaps Disney gave me unrealistic expectations on love, but really, the rest of my life is practical, let this be one one thing I'm allowed a little impracticality about. Let me FALL in love and not DECIDE to love. Sure I will need to be practical about some aspects, and I truly believe that staying in love is a decision we make, but allow me a little magic and let me fall. Let it not be true that falling head over heels in love is purely the forte of hormonal teens.
Allow me the luxury of growing old with someone I adore, of kissing in the rain in that wild ecstatic moment when I say yes to spending the rest of my life with him, of missing him when he's on a business trip when i'm 55, of the possibility of dancing the funky chicken on my 50th wedding anniversary.
Give me all that and I will gladly take the tears and tantrums, the miscommunication and the unintentional broken promise, the smelly socks and the snores.
I know the road will be rocky, just let me walk this broken road with someone I truly believe will last the journey. Failing that, be happy for me that I _chose_ to walk the road alone.
But what if I don't want to settle. I don't need a man for survival and apparently it's not entirely ethically sound to procreate anyway in this overpopulated world of ours. Surely this is one of the biggest most life changing decisions I will ever make in my life and I should be a little "picky". The rest of you can be happy in a loveless unhappy marriage or fall prey to the divorce statistic. Me, I'll pass on it it that is really the choice I have to make. Perhaps Disney gave me unrealistic expectations on love, but really, the rest of my life is practical, let this be one one thing I'm allowed a little impracticality about. Let me FALL in love and not DECIDE to love. Sure I will need to be practical about some aspects, and I truly believe that staying in love is a decision we make, but allow me a little magic and let me fall. Let it not be true that falling head over heels in love is purely the forte of hormonal teens.
Allow me the luxury of growing old with someone I adore, of kissing in the rain in that wild ecstatic moment when I say yes to spending the rest of my life with him, of missing him when he's on a business trip when i'm 55, of the possibility of dancing the funky chicken on my 50th wedding anniversary.
Give me all that and I will gladly take the tears and tantrums, the miscommunication and the unintentional broken promise, the smelly socks and the snores.
I know the road will be rocky, just let me walk this broken road with someone I truly believe will last the journey. Failing that, be happy for me that I _chose_ to walk the road alone.
the heart wants what the heart wants
because I am too soft for my own good I got in touch with the unexpected despite vowing not to. My thinking is generally that you should live your life the way you would want to leave it. So if i were to find out tomorrow that I had a few hours to live, I would want to know i was leaving with no regrets. This is why I very seldom bear a grudge and this is why I forgive. So this coupled with being pre- menstrual led to calling the unexpected. He wanted to meet to sort things, in true unexpected style made it difficult to actually do that, aggravated me no end at the actual meeting then melted me into forgiving him. Albeit in a totally different capacity. He is now my friend. And I have finally attained peace...
Then in true boy style realises what he's lost and starts trying to sweet talk and ease his way into my heart yet again...
And much though I want to I know he is no good for me the way he is now. So that door will remain closed, for the time being at least *wink* Let Go and Let God right?
Then in true boy style realises what he's lost and starts trying to sweet talk and ease his way into my heart yet again...
And much though I want to I know he is no good for me the way he is now. So that door will remain closed, for the time being at least *wink* Let Go and Let God right?
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